Have you heard of woke spoons?
What’s missing from the King’s speech is often more telling than what’s included. This year we heard about the scourge of pedicabs but one gaping absence? The plague of woke spoons.
If you’re not familiar, hold onto your seatbelts. The House of Commons canteen has reportedly been fighting a mutiny among MPs after replacing its plastic cutlery with paper alternatives. Parliament’s lousy defence? The government has banned single-use plastic cutlery. Presumably said mutineers were somewhat part of the decision-making, but they probably assumed the established precedent of not following one’s own rules would still apply.
The case goes beyond parliament though, with wooden spoons and even, god forbid, sporks now the norm across our favourite casual dining institutions. While a noble endeavour, nobody can deny a soup eaten with a wooden spoon does not a happy citizen make. It’s time to crack down on woke extremism interrupting our Itsu lunches.
Harry Cole, the unofficial director of the #antiwokespoons campaign, said: “I would be happy to show the new minister for common sense the havoc wrought upon a silk tie by this dangerous new age fad.”